Tale of Two Worlds
When the Intended parent and Surrogate get involved in the process they normally hear two entirely different comments from friends, family, and strangers.
The Surrogates hear:
Your going to build a family for someone.
Your going to give the gift of life.
You are so special for doing that for someone.
And you get paid - what a bonus.
The Intended Parents hear:
Isn't that expensive?
How are you coming up with the money?
It seems so unnatural does it really work?
Do you really need more children?
Why don't you adopt?
What is so important about your DNA?
Is she going to keep the baby?
The baby is not really yours.
Aren't you playing God?
Some people just aren't supposed to have children.
Aren't you worried about the surrogate doing drugs?
Aren't you just using some poor women?
Aren't you being selfish?
Maybe, you should just get a puppy. That will cure everything.
I am sure that I have missed a bunch. Please add your thoughts in the comment section.
The Surrogates hear:
Your going to build a family for someone.
Your going to give the gift of life.
You are so special for doing that for someone.
And you get paid - what a bonus.
The Intended Parents hear:
Isn't that expensive?
How are you coming up with the money?
It seems so unnatural does it really work?
Do you really need more children?
Why don't you adopt?
What is so important about your DNA?
Is she going to keep the baby?
The baby is not really yours.
Aren't you playing God?
Some people just aren't supposed to have children.
Aren't you worried about the surrogate doing drugs?
Aren't you just using some poor women?
Aren't you being selfish?
Maybe, you should just get a puppy. That will cure everything.
I am sure that I have missed a bunch. Please add your thoughts in the comment section.
Comments
Won't that be hard?
Will you ever see the baby again?
How much DO they pay you?
There are many misconceptions from people regarding surrogacy. But because surrogates generally feel passionately about what they are doing they are willing to risk telling people about it-despite having to clear up many misconceptions.
I know that I missed a lot on both sides of the issue on this one. The fact is that the list is really long.
I will say as a surrogate, for each "you're such an angel" (which I HATE) I also get, the demeaning comments about money or how could I "not care" about this child.
I rack it up to ignorance, and despite our bests efforts we cannot educate everyone.
There is a quote from an old LA Dodger baseball coach named Tommy Losorda that I remember hearing as a kid that fits here.
A third of the people want you to win, a third of the people want you to lose (rooting for the other team), and a third of the people don't care either way".
The list of ignorant (and occassionally thoughtful) comments really does go on and on.
Like my one friend that said "so if you put your embryo in a black women and let her carry the baby - would you have a black child".
Ignorant, but harmless.
Those people don't bother me.
Both types make me uncomfortable and neither reflects surrogacy reality as I see it. I think it's much harder for IPs though, I think their intentions are usually judged more harshly.
On the other hand - Christy never thought about calling her surrogate's after fertility goddesses. Which I thought was a perfectly normal idea.
I guess we each find our own comfort zone.
"Maybe this (my infertility) is a sign from God that you are not to have more children."
My answer-
I prayed for 9 years for God to remove the NEED in my heart to have another child and then I met Jon and he suggested Surrogacy and KNEW at that moment the reason God never took my pain and deep need away.....he always planned for me to have more children it just wasn't time yet and he chose a differnt path than I expected. God is AWSOME.
"What if she wants to keep the baby?"
My answer-
This woman is perfectly capable of having her own child why on earth would she go to such trouble to steal my and Jon's genes???? I know we think they are the best but come on who else would?!
I am lucky. I live in California so most people are pretty accepting of Surrogacy.
Plus, I am a really big guy so there are not a lot of people that want to insult me.
Jon pretty much gets supported by others. ;-)
This one really bothered me. I responded by asking her why infertility should limit the family size they have dreamed of, and if someone told her she would not be able to have her youngest child how would she have felt??