Surrogacy, Who's Pregnancy is it?

There is an ancient phrase "Possession is nine-tenths of the law" that 
is about land, property, or other tangible items, but I keep thinking that 
it applies to Surrogacy.

During the Surrogacy journey everyone's emotions swing back and 
forth based on possession. 

Most people are thinking that "it's an embryo," or " a fetus,"
and only later "a baby" what is there to possess before the birth? 

There are many things to possess during the process. A short list is:
  • The thought of a baby.
  • Expecting A Miracle.
  • The Surrogates agreement to Match and join the endeavor.
  • The DNA.
  • The Egg.
  • The Sperm.
  • The Embryo.
  • The Uterus.
  • The Information.
  • The Pregnancy Results.
  • The Heart Beat Results.
  • The Numbers and medical reports from the Dr. Visits.
  • The Pregnancy.
  • The Ultrasound Pictures.
  • The Delivery.
  • The Baby.
Most of the time, the main possession during the 
Surrogacy is information. 

The open, honest, and unfiltered truth about 
what is going on with the
joint endeavor at a particular moment in time.

One side is left in the dark trying to figure out 
what is going on without
the needed details to make an informed decision. 

In marriage they say people "fight about the money." 
In Surrogacy, it's all in the information.
What's happening today? How is the pregnancy, right now?

Why Can't A Gestational Surrogate Rebut Maternity?

One argument that you rarely find in the who's the Mother debate around Surrogacy
is that fact that gestational primacy (the Birth Mother is Shinning) leads to unequal parentage determinations by considering different factors for men - genetics, and women - birth.

Most States and Countries pretend to know what's best for women.

The theory goes - the women might regret giving away the baby at some point
in the future, so we will protect her, by making it against the law.

Sure, we understand that she is willing to do this BEFORE the embryo transfer, and
is BECOMING pregnant on purpose to help another couple have a child, but we the
government MUST protect her from possibly thinking it was a bad choice in the future.

The Nanny State knows what is best for you.

Where are the Gestational Surrogates Equal Protection Rights Regarding Maternity?

When a State assign maternity to the woman giving birth, this creates different procedures for establishing maternity than for paternity.

Women can't rebut maternity but men can rebut paternity.

This is an equal rights violation.

Why should the Surrogate be Compelled or forced to fulfill the role of legal mother
when she has no Genetic link to the child?

How is that in the "State's Best Interests?"

Shouldn't the State be protecting the Gestational Surrogates rights to NOT be the legal mother?
Protecting her from compelled motherhood!

The Fourteenth Amendment’s guarantee of equal protection, the Constitution’s protection of procreative choice—a fundamental right implicating Due Process—must be at least as strong when a woman decides to give birth to a child as when she decides not to do so.

This equal protection should protect the legal rights of the Genetic mother and the Gestational Surrogate.

The mere fact of giving birth cannot equal maternity without resulting in equal protection violations because men are not similarly deemed fathers in such an unequivocal manner.

We are ahead of the curve in California in that we give the Intended Parents Rights and there is a reason that almost 25% of the US Surrogacies happen in California every year, but the rest of the Nation needs to catch up with the science of reproduction.

Surrogacy - A Duty, A Mission, A Cause........

One thing that about my experience regarding Surrogacy was always very clear to me.

I knew why I was here.

We didn't have a uterus, so we had to find one to have a baby. It was a NEED, not 
a want.

A requirement for us that had no other alternative, but to find a Surrogate.

With limited options, our course for action was clear.

Priority #1 for having a baby was finding a Surrogate.

Now why someone would become a Surrogate is a whole different matter.

You hear all kinds of answers.

  • Surrogacy is in my heart
  • I want to help a couple become a family
  • I am full of compassion for others
  • I meet someone that has gone through infertility and they want to help someone. 

The answers are different for every individual, and I probably have poor examples, but recently, I found an answer that I understand, I can relate to, I can appreciate, and I can respect.

It was an answer to what happens when the Surrogacy is over, but has a line for me
that best describes what I would want as an Intended Parent in a Surrogate that I was going to start a new Surrogacy with in the future.

One Surrogate said:
You go from being someone so relied on and you had a duty and a mission and a cause and then that's gone. And then ... what? I think that's why there is so much "serial surrogacy" that occurs. It's HARD to transition back to the world before surrogacy. It's not to say our families and our lives outside of being a surrogate aren't awesome and amazing. It's just a whole different journey and when it's done there really is a sense of "what now".

This statement requires everyone to being part of a Surrogate and Intended Parent team and become involved with something that is larger than yourself.

If I am starting out in IVF and Surrogacy with:
One Goal. One Mission. One Obsession.

I want to be matched with a Surrogate that is starting:
A Duty. A Mission. A Cause.

Surrogate Mother Claims to Be Wife......

Surrogate Mother Claims to Be Wife....Couple Says She Was Hired

In India, it appears to be ok to have multiple wives, but there are no laws regarding Surrogacy.

A local businessman and his wife appeared to have hired a women to be the Surrogate for them.

The Surrogate went on the birth certificate as the wife.

Now she demands protection of her "Rights as Wife."

In the meantime, the police refuse to solve the issue of Surrogacy because it is not covered
under the law of the country.

The Intended Parents have NO LEGAL RIGHTS TO THEIR CHILD.

Here is the Story:

A businessman in the city locked in a dispute with a woman, who he claimed to be the surrogate mother of his child, today said the lady was "hired" for Rs1 lakh.
However, according to an FIR filed by the woman, she has claimed the status of wife and declined to hand over the child to the couple.
Police said the custody of the one-year-old child was granted to the woman identified as Rani in the FIR. The child was born last year in a private nursing homein Ghaziabad. In the hospital register, she is identified as wife of Madan Lal.
The child's father said, Rani, in her 30s, was hired by the couple as his wife was infertile. He said they had given Rs1 lakh to the woman.
Police said she refused to give the child's custody to the couple and went to her house in New Delhi with the boy. Three months back, Lal brought her here and she stayed with the family. But she demanded a separate house to live with him and the child.
Yesterday, she had filed a complaint with police in Kavinagar demanding protection of her rights as wife. Police said she claimed that he had married her secretly, but the man was living with his legal wife.
No case is registered so far, police said adding the custody of the child was given to Rani as mother's care was required for the toddler now.
She is now at her father's house in New Delhi with the child. Police denied to have solved the matter of surrogation as it is not covered under any law in the country.

Surrogacy Delivery at the Hospital....

I understand when the public doesn't "get" the whole surrogate - intended parent
relationship. However, I expected more from the hospital.

Every step along the way, the medical profession treated us as the parents and the
surrogate as the gestational carrier.

Then, for the first time, in our case at the delivery of our baby some members of the hospital
staff clearly didn't get it.

The medical care was outstanding and we couldn't have been happier with
the hospital in that regard.

The emotional care was often left wanting.

The majority of the staff went out of their way to accommodate us
the Intended Parents as the parents.

However, there were a few long time staffers who just didn't get the whole thing.

They would look at us and acknowledge "I know you are the parents" and then
turn to the surrogate and go "okay MOM, what do you want to do."

Our surrogate would then look at us for the answer.

I could understand the mistake if it was only made once. But, it happened again and again.

We corrected them, they acknowledged us, told us we were correct, and then called the surrogate
MOM again.

Sure it was a minor thing, by an uninformed person, and we only had to deal with them for part
of our time at the hospital as the staff rotated through their shift. But, it was uncomfortable every time
it happened.

Overall, it was the last and only time that's happened and nobody is confused now.