Real Boys Wear Pink

Christy has already bought thousands of outfits for Paco. Now we don't know if Paco is a Boy or Girl yet so she can't get to cute in her selections. I have told her to wait until we have a baby in our arms to buy clothes.

Diapers are enough for the first 6 months. Maybe, even longer.

Diapers and Blankets - Why would you need anything else?

Christy came home with this sweatshirt and I told her that I would let my boy wear it.

Her response was "you will not be dressing our child."

She said it like I was being punished.

I don't think she understands that the child will have a mother - so of course I will not be dressing the child.

Except of course, when I babysit.

My statement though did have one important effect. It slowed down her clothes buying for at least a day.
And when she started back-up I have yet to see a pink outfit.

My big question though is - while I would understand this would be a girls outfit if it had a pink pony, flower, or princess, but when did CUPCAKES become a girls only item? Boys like cupcakes too.

And Real Boys Wear Pink.

Canada Surrogacy OR Surrogacy Panama?

With one Mexican Surrogacy under way I am looking at doing the International Surrogacy Double Trouble.

Why do the same exact thing again when there is a whole world to explore.

One option is Canada Surrogacy. The will take US couples. The weather is great in the Summer. The price is right at $5,600 Canadian which is around $5,200 USD.

It's an English speaking country - at least on the West Coast. And it would be a nice safe place to visit - a country where they are not chopping off people's heads on a daily basis.

This would be a plus in their column.

Another option is Panama. Or actually Panama City.

We are back to a 3rd world country and your back to Spanish. However, it's sunny and warm year-round. And would be the bigger adventure.

They will provide surrogates for a fee, but we would of course expect to bring our own.

My Motto:

Have surrogate - will travel.

I am like a woman - worried about my biological clock and in a rush for my next child. Not Paco, who is on his way, but Paco demands a sibling. I can hear him yelling at me already. He is a demanding child. And a sibling will sooth him.

Or at least give him someone else to boss around.

Besides the biological clock - we are up against the IVF clock.

While the our biological clock is running fast and speeding up everyday as our eggs turn to dust.

The IVF clock slows the world down. And you can't control it. What you want to have be a fast project IVF turns into a multi-year project. Days turn into weeks, then months, and quickly years are piling up without results.

The majority of couples that started blogging the same time as me in 2008 or just now pregnant like us. Expecting a baby in 2010. That's a long delay from start to finish and I am not in a place to a patient man.

My biological clock is ticking.

So where do you want to go?

Canada, Panama, or Mexico?

Paco or Paca? With a Picture.

The question now is - Do we have a Boy or a Girl?

Since we have been using Paco as the Beta name for our Baby that means I would expect to need to change the name to Paca if we are having a girl.

In Spanish it's simple the Boy get's an "O" at the end of their name and the girls gets a "A".

So the debate is Paco or Paca?

We are having the Nuchal done on March 1st which is 12 weeks 6 days.

There is a very good chance that we will find out the sex at this time based on other couples experience's. Most couples that have gotten the Nuchal done earlier have found out and by waiting to the last day possible to get ours done we hope to increase our chance of success in finding out the sex.

Why wait to find out later. When we can find out now.

In the meantime, I have found a picture of Paca already and know what she might look like -
Here is Paca:

YOUR story, YOUR surrogacy

This is YOUR story, YOUR surrogacy. YOU get to decide how to share, how to feel, how to deal!
This quote is a recent comment from Cyn and I have a long reply.

Her Statement and my answer:
  • This is YOUR story - False
  • YOUR surrogacy - False
  • YOU get to decide how to share - True - With Boundaries
  • how to feel - True
  • how to deal! - True

This is simply not MY Story or MY Surrogacy.

It is -
OUR Story
OUR Surrogacy

I am not alone in this process.

There is no I or ME in Surrogacy, But there is an US.
(warning: this is a team sport metaphor. There's no I in Team)

Sure I am in charge of my feelings and how I deal with daily news and updates of our progress.

The main issue though - is that I get to decide how to share the story. OR actually my idea of my side of OUR story.

This is a tricky thing to do. That is why I am still the only IF that I know of with a US surrogate that is writing about their experience. It's not easy.

I can't freely write all of my thoughts and feelings. Only a woman when think that is ok.
I am a male. That comes with a real set of boundaries. We are not allowed to share our feelings and get away with it.

Everything I write comes with Responsibility.

My goal is to write with a concern for each member of the group. I am trying to build and develop our team. Keeping us focused on our common goal.

The mission that unites us.

To often as an outside observer you watch a Surrogacy end up in this tug of war relationship between the IP's and the Surrogate. Sometimes it's over something very important. Often it is over something that is silly, but someone can't let it go.

Either Way.

The focus gets lost. The team falls apart.

There's often a baby. A healthy baby at the end.

But, Feelings our hurt - Emotions have been drained.

Nobody Won. Everybody Lost.

I strive to develop a different relationship for our Surrogacy.

Ours is a three-Legged Stool of Inter-dependence.

One of the legs is the Surrogate, a second leg is the Intended Mother, and the third leg is me, the Intended Father.

The Stool is only as strong as the three legs.

We must each support the pregnancy equally.

This means that for one to prosper, we each must prosper.

Winning Cures All....

Winning Cures All....That's what I keep telling myself.

We have a wonderfully boring pregnancy up to this point.
Everything is going well and we are now 12 weeks old.

12 weeks old and with a strong healthy heartbeat, growing on pace,
and clearly winning by every definition of the word.

With great news like this to share you think that I would be posting updates
like crazy and sharing my excitement on a daily basis.

But, I can't - or at least haven't been able to post - for two weeks now. I have had
a bad case of writer's block. OR maybe just good manners. OR maybe I just don't
have the ability to share my fears.

Rational fears that are better left unspoken. But, grip me just the same. And define my
experience like no other.

I want to shake them, I try really hard, I am not a pessimist by nature, but I keep reading blogs that are not positive in their story and are in fact devastating.

Like this, and this, and this, and this.

I know from my own experience that a pregnancy can be lost at any moment.

But, Winning Cures All....That's what I keep telling myself.

And we are winning the Day. Every Day - so far - 84 days total. And we have won them all.
Only 196 days left to get to the important win. The only one that truly matters.

Even with this winning streak though victory is still a long way off. A distant goal. Visible in my mind, but not yet reachable.

So we need to break this down into manageable segments that can be monitored Daily, Weekly, Monthly, Trimesters, and the Delivery. And truthfully, that is to big of a frame of reference for me at the moment.

I have one focus

One thought

One goal

One HEARTBEAT at a time.

That's my win.

My Minute-By-Minute, Second-By-Second, Heartbeat-to-Heartbeat Win.

That's how I am grinding out this pregnancy.

One HEARTBEAT at a time.

And Winning Cures All....That's what I keep telling myself.

My role in this pregnancy is simple now.

Celebrate my baby. Celebrate my Surrogate. Celebrate my Future Family.

To Celebrate the Moment.....

We have a healthy baby.....

Growing Stronger Everyday.....

This should be easy.....very easy really. I have blogged through the tough times and
managed to put my feelings into words. And now during the most successful period in
the last two years I can't bring myself to update my blog.

I have tried for over two weeks to post - yet words have failed me everyday.

One sentence, a few measly words, have stopped me cold.

A few weeks ago, we had a slight bleed. And we didn't find out about it for over 24 hours -
and only after we called and asked.

In my world a bleed is bad news - But, what shook me to the core is the surrogate's telling us
that she didn't tell us until we asked because -

"It never occurred to her that we would want to know."

That sentence just nailed a stake in my heart.

The first thing that I can think is:

"That's a lie!"


"Why does she need to lie?"

Later my thoughts change to:

"My surrogate doesn't know me very well does she?"

I mean c'mon. She reads my blog. There's no way she thinks that about me!

Then I go back to the devastating posts like this, and this, and this, and this.

And I Can't help but be very grateful for where we are right now. We are pregnant, healthy, and
happy. Yes, happiness mixed with terror and fear, but happy just the same.

I have petty issues to worry about - not real life or death issues to confront.

For this we count our blessings.

I am here to Celebrate the Moment.....

Celebrate a healthy baby.....Celebrate a healthy pregnancy......

Celebrate Our Surrogates Family......Celebrate Our Friends that have Supported Us.....

Celebrate our baby. Celebrate our Surrogate. Celebrate our Future Family

Winning Really Does Cure All......And Today We Are Winning.....

Celebrating The Moment....One HeartBeat At A Time.....

We Have Been To Hell and Back.......

And here is a picture to show the alien that we brought back.

Paco WEEK 10 - 3D Ultrasound

The Heart Beat is 169 and the size is in the right growth range for his age.

The Celebration is on.