This is YOUR story, YOUR surrogacy. YOU get to decide how to share, how to feel, how to deal!This quote is a recent comment from Cyn and I have a long reply.
Her Statement and my answer:
- This is YOUR story - False
- YOUR surrogacy - False
- YOU get to decide how to share - True - With Boundaries
- how to feel - True
- how to deal! - True
This is simply not MY Story or MY Surrogacy.
It is -
I am not alone in this process.
There is no I or ME in Surrogacy, But there is an US.
(warning: this is a team sport metaphor. There's no I in Team)
Sure I am in charge of my feelings and how I deal with daily news and updates of our progress.
The main issue though - is that I get to decide how to share the story. OR actually my idea of my side of OUR story.
This is a tricky thing to do. That is why I am still the only IF that I know of with a US surrogate that is writing about their experience. It's not easy.
I can't freely write all of my thoughts and feelings. Only a woman when think that is ok.
I am a male. That comes with a real set of boundaries. We are not allowed to share our feelings and get away with it.
Everything I write comes with Responsibility.
My goal is to write with a concern for each member of the group. I am trying to build and develop our team. Keeping us focused on our common goal.
The mission that unites us.
To often as an outside observer you watch a Surrogacy end up in this tug of war relationship between the IP's and the Surrogate. Sometimes it's over something very important. Often it is over something that is silly, but someone can't let it go.
The focus gets lost. The team falls apart.
There's often a baby. A healthy baby at the end.
But, Feelings our hurt - Emotions have been drained.
Nobody Won. Everybody Lost.
I strive to develop a different relationship for our Surrogacy.
Ours is a three-Legged Stool of Inter-dependence.
One of the legs is the Surrogate, a second leg is the Intended Mother, and the third leg is me, the Intended Father.
The Stool is only as strong as the three legs.
We must each support the pregnancy equally.
This means that for one to prosper, we each must prosper.