Winning Cures All....That's what I keep telling myself.
We have a wonderfully boring pregnancy up to this point.
Everything is going well and we are now 12 weeks old.
12 weeks old and with a strong healthy heartbeat, growing on pace,
and clearly winning by every definition of the word.
With great news like this to share you think that I would be posting updates
like crazy and sharing my excitement on a daily basis.
But, I can't - or at least haven't been able to post - for two weeks now. I have had
a bad case of writer's block. OR maybe just good manners. OR maybe I just don't
have the ability to share my fears.
Rational fears that are better left unspoken. But, grip me just the same. And define my
experience like no other.
I want to shake them, I try really hard, I am not a pessimist by nature, but I keep reading blogs that are not positive in their story and are in fact devastating.
Like this, and this, and this, and this.
I know from my own experience that a pregnancy can be lost at any moment.
But, Winning Cures All....That's what I keep telling myself.
And we are winning the Day. Every Day - so far - 84 days total. And we have won them all.
Only 196 days left to get to the important win. The only one that truly matters.
Even with this winning streak though victory is still a long way off. A distant goal. Visible in my mind, but not yet reachable.
So we need to break this down into manageable segments that can be monitored Daily, Weekly, Monthly, Trimesters, and the Delivery. And truthfully, that is to big of a frame of reference for me at the moment.
I have one focus
One HEARTBEAT at a time.
That's my win.
My Minute-By-Minute, Second-By-Second, Heartbeat-to-Heartbeat Win.
That's how I am grinding out this pregnancy.
One HEARTBEAT at a time.
And Winning Cures All....That's what I keep telling myself.
My role in this pregnancy is simple now.
Celebrate my baby. Celebrate my Surrogate. Celebrate my Future Family.
To Celebrate the Moment.....
We have a healthy baby.....
Growing Stronger Everyday.....
This should be easy.....very easy really. I have blogged through the tough times and
managed to put my feelings into words. And now during the most successful period in
the last two years I can't bring myself to update my blog.
I have tried for over two weeks to post - yet words have failed me everyday.
One sentence, a few measly words, have stopped me cold.
A few weeks ago, we had a slight bleed. And we didn't find out about it for over 24 hours -
and only after we called and asked.
In my world a bleed is bad news - But, what shook me to the core is the surrogate's telling us
that she didn't tell us until we asked because -
"It never occurred to her that we would want to know."
That sentence just nailed a stake in my heart.
The first thing that I can think is:
"That's a lie!"
"Why does she need to lie?"
Later my thoughts change to:
"My surrogate doesn't know me very well does she?"
I mean c'mon. She reads my blog. There's no way she thinks that about me!
Then I go back to the devastating posts like this, and this, and this, and this.
And I Can't help but be very grateful for where we are right now. We are pregnant, healthy, and
happy. Yes, happiness mixed with terror and fear, but happy just the same.
I have petty issues to worry about - not real life or death issues to confront.
For this we count our blessings.
I am here to Celebrate the Moment.....
Celebrate a healthy baby.....Celebrate a healthy pregnancy......
Celebrate Our Surrogates Family......Celebrate Our Friends that have Supported Us.....
Celebrate our baby. Celebrate our Surrogate. Celebrate our Future Family
Winning Really Does Cure All......And Today We Are Winning.....
Celebrating The Moment....One HeartBeat At A Time.....