Breadcrumbs to your destiny........

There is a famous buddhist proverb that goes -

"When the student is ready - the teacher will appear."

This leads to questions:

What does this mean?
Who is the teacher?
How does she know to appear?

If you change Student to Parent and Teacher to Surrogate will it make more sense
on Surrogacy World?

I think that the teacher is not just a person; it's a reaction, a resource, a combination
of opportunities that allow growth to become fertile.

The simple truth is it means when your ready for something you will be presented with "teachers"
or resources to show you the path.

The path was always there, but now you awareness is fertile and ready to absorb the information to make it real for you.

These "teachers" are like breadcrumbs to your destiny, or whatever goal your chasing.

When does a Surrogacy end?

As I am struggling with my own transition from Surrogacy World to Parenthood,
I have finally had the time to check up on other people's progress and blog's.

A post I saw today hits home.

A surrogate wrote her opinion on a comment she read on another blog. The surrogates post
can be read at:

On the first blog an IP more or less wrote "it was a business deal
for me and now I am moving on with my life." That is my short summary of 4 paragraphs.

These points have lead my to some questions. They are:

After the birth of the baby what is the role of the Surrogacy?

When does a surrogacy end?

What is the proper way to end a Surrogacy?

How do you successfully transition into the next phase of life for everyone once the surrogacy is over?

I don't know the answer on "when does a surrogacy end" and it's seems to be a major problem time and time again.

In the simplest way, I saw the experience as - we needed a team to accomplish a project.

This project was multi-faceted and required many experts in the fields to complete. We saw specialist in multiple countries, IVF doctors, nurses, lawyers, and a surrogate.

Everyone brought their specialty to the team.

In the spirit of teamwork everyone worked together.

Some teammates made a brief appearance, some cheered from the side lines, and one did the heavy lifting for 9 months.

Our surrogate was the All-star of the team that made everything possible.

Everyone else on the team (including me) was there to support the star and make sure that she had everything that she needed to do her best at every moment.

Only through this teamwork were we able to win and achieve our mutual goal and objective.

That success now brings changes to everyone's lives.

As a brand new parent my obsession has gone from the Surrogacy to being a parent.

I have a new boss. A new star. And she is very demanding.

Our surrogate is no longer a surrogate - but an experienced former surrogate.

We are no longer intended parents, but parents.

Change happens fast and my head is spinning, but I am trying to keep up and make the proper adjustments.

Dropping the "I"........

One of the few blogs that I read that is written by a father is ending. The blog xbox4nappyrash was about a couple trying to get pregnant and have a baby. Over 400 posts later they have a child and the blog has outlived it's topic - so it is ending a natural death and there will be no more posts.

With that thought in my head - I have to ask - what do I do with my blog?

I am not currently in IVF land on Surrogacy World trying to have a baby.

That experience is over.

We were successful. We have a baby.

We climbed the mountain and won.

What do you do after you have it all?

Fade to Black?

So many times in the movies the original is great and then the sequel stinks.

It is still to early to tell where life takes us next, but I know where I am today, and
the first step I need to take.

Today, I am dropping the "I" from my name.

I know what your thinking "there's no I in your name."
"This dude sure is dense."

For many years, we have been called "Intended Mother," "Intended Father," and "Intended Parents."


IM, IF, and IP for short.

We embraced the names because they described us to a "T" and it was who we were.

Well, it no longer describes who we are. In the present tense.

We have changed.

With the edition of our baby the "Intended" part of our life ended.

I think that being a parent is very much like being pregnant.
You are pregnant or not, there is no such thing as being a little pregnant.

Well, there is no such thing as being a little bit of a parent.

Either you are a parent or not.

There is no such thing as being "parent-elect" like there is a "President-elect."

We were not elected parents and are waiting to be sworn in, as the current outgoing
parents finish their term.

The minute our baby was born we instantly became parents.

No if's, and's, or Intended's about it.

A Mom, A Dad, A Baby, A Family.

Sure - there might be "Intended Parents Part 2" in the future.

But, for now we are simply like everyone else with a new born -

A Mother, A Father, and Parents.

Rolling and Growing....

We had our first doctor's appointment the other day and everything was great with the baby.

The only negative was the nurse that couldn't measure very well and told us we are the same
length that we were at birth. I should have asked her to explain how we are already out growing
our newborn clothes.

Our legs are very long.

We also have a little dare devil already.

She loves monkey rolls were she lays on her back and rolls over to be face down and then rolls
quickly to be on her back again. The faster the better.

Of course, this is in brief segments between her normal schedule of eating, peeing, pooping, sleeping, and crying.

Add a long walk around downtown for the parents as she lays in her picnic basket of a stroller and that is a full day.

Infertility Changes The World.....

Being an infertile changes how you view the world. And Changes the world itself in very direct
and long lasting ways.

My current example is from the Showtime Series called the Tudors.

Now I know that I am watching a dramatization and adaption of history and
not a straight and historically accurate telling of history.

And I have only watched Season 1. So I am limited to my knowledge of the show.

But, in a lot of ways, the person that tells the best story is the one that writes history.
And accuracy is seldom obtained.

So, in all fairness, I will twist a tale that has already been twisted,
so that I can tell a good tale.

Bare with me.

As we all know, or have been told, Henry the 8th was famous for beheading his wife's.

In truth, he only beheaded two of his six wives.

Primarily because they failed to produce a son.

(Christy is lucky to be born after the invention of IVF)

The most famous, Anne Boleyn (his second wife) was accused of whitchcraft, adultery, incest and high treason.

Although the evidence against them was unconvincing, she and 5 men were found guilty and condemned to death by their peers.

That is a high price to pay for infertility.

But, Henry the 8th was a very focused man.

He needed a son.

The Catholic church wouldn't grant him a divorce from his infertile first wife.
And he needed a divorce because his first wife couldn't deliver a male heir to the thrown.

He NEEDED a male heir the the thrown.

It wasn't a WANT - It was a NEED.

At least he saw it this way.

Because the Catholic Church wouldn't give him his way and allow him a divorce so
he could marry a fertile woman and have a legitimate heir.

He only had one choice -

He kicked the Catholic Church out of England and started the Church of England.

He gave the Catholic Church's land away - this transferred a fifth of England's landed wealth into new hands. People that saw things his way.

A rebellion of 30,000 men started against the changes and 200 rebels were killed and he got his way.

So - the history lesson of the day is -

If anyone asks you how the Protestant Church started - you can tell them -

It was started by an infertile person. And their pain changed the world.


Shopping - On Day 12

On day 12 we need to go shopping and Christy and I take our 12 day old baby with us.

Christy has a disability and can't see over or around the cart when we place the car seat
in the front section of the cart so I end up doing most of the pushing.

Christy has left me to search for an item and I am left alone with the baby and the cart.

I see a lady pushing her cart and child and she is looking past me. I am clearly in the
way so I move to get out of her way when she asks me "how old is your baby?"

I tell her 12 days.

And she responds with "brave man."


"Is she yours?"


"Is her mother here?"

Clearly concerned.

This is when I notice that her child that is riding in her cart appears to be around
9 years old.

Christy was nearby and overheard the conversation. As she came over the women left.

Christy found it odd that the women would ask "is it yours." She wanted to know who kidnaps
12 day old babies and takes them shopping.

The 'is it yours question' is one that I have already heard many times and was not fazed in the least.

I was much more concerned with why this lady was pushing her 9 year old around in a cart.

I have already told Christy that I stroller turns into a wheel chair as soon as the child can walk and that
our child doesn't need to be in a wheel chair.

Home Alone - On Day 11

The constant stream of visitors ended (briefly) for the day and I was left home alone with a new born

This is the first time we have every been left alone.

We both lived.

She cried.

And cried.

And I was left with baby stress syndrome.

But, by the time mom arrived, she was back to her normal happy self.

Just smiles and giggles for mom.

Now, I am pointing a finger at everyone else. It's their fault - not mine.

I have a baby that has been held almost every moment since birth.
And expects nothing else.

This is fine and dandy when we have a room full of visitor's - all waiting for
their turn to hold the queen.

But, when you are home alone with her - she is very demanding.

I could put her down for a minute or two - with a max. of five.

After that, the alarm would sound.






And Then - - - -


All Day long.

All Bow to the new queen.