I talk to much - India, Panama, or the USA

As you start off with a new journey you want to look at all of the options.

India sounds like a good choice after our last go around, you basically have no contact with the surro and the prices are very cheap. You get the experience of traveling the world and an amazing story to tell your children about how far you were willing to go for them.

Some of the down falls are - your traveling the world. Think about flying for at least 15 hours to land in a place like Mexico. And then having to spend over a month there if everything goes well.

Is there a closer option? Well yes,  what Panama offers is almost identical to India and it's a lot closer to home. However, they are just starting out in the IVF vacation field and do you want to be a guinea pig and find out how things will work?

So Panama is out based on the fact that they are to new to the field. India emails me all of the information and looks pretty good. I read a few blogs of people that have gone this way. They all write glowing reports and talk about the great time seeing a new world. This sounds like an option worth looking into.

(Warning: Christy told me that I shouldn't post the next part. She says that I am breaking rule #1. You will need to highlight the area below to read it at your own risk.)

But, the real appeal to me at the time about India is no contact with the surro. It just sounded so peaceful.
I asked myself the question, can I enjoy the pregnancy and be blissfully ignorant the whole time. It actually sounded like a great bonus to me at the time. I didn't see it as a business deal in this situation - it's more like - Hey, I am a guy and women's emotions are tough to deal with and if I can avoid having to deal with them all the better for me.
We were in the middle of an ugly ending with our prior surro. Can any of you blame me for not wanting to go through that again?

Then I find the deal killer for me.

Our children would have an India birth certificate.

What does this mean to them the rest of their life? How do they explain this to people? Does it cause them hassles forever? As adults when they get a drivers license or a passport is it harder for them? How will my choice haunt them later? How does their beginning effect the rest of their life? What is their life story?

At this point in telling the story, I feel like I sound like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City - where I ask myself a bunch of stupid questions while I am writing. And then in my mind, I go back to one of my first posts - where I ask can a guy still sound like a guy and while sharing his thoughts and feelings and I am thinking - no! After only a few posts, I have already lost it and sound like a girl.

However, It's to late to turn back now so let's continue.

During this time I had an epiphany.

Decisions and choices that Christy and I make now - long before our children are born - will define who they are throughout life.

We are not just creating a baby where if they are healthy at birth our job is done. We are creating a person (baby/child/adult all in one)
who has a life story that will define them forever.

WOW!!!

That is a big responsibility. Most people just get pregnant and have a baby where they are without much thought.
We need to make a lot of choices in advance that affect our child's life story. Much more then the normal pregnancy.
Maybe everyone else already new this and I am just a tad slow.

Before two months ago, I never even thought that my children could have any other heritage, however, now I realize that I need American born children.

Here is some boring family history on why this is important to me. You might want to skip down about 6 paragraphs.

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My family has deep roots in this country. We have fought on both sides of the Revolutionary War and the Civil War. My mom has done extensive work on our family history and can tell you many stories.

One of my favorites is about a great-great- grandfather who I believe was living in Missouri during the Civil War. He had a bunch of sons and some were fighting for the North and some the South. One day the Southern Army came to his house and wanted to know which sons were fighting for the North. He wouldn't tell them so they strung him up and hung him - 3 times! It's not the hanging that kills you, it's the snapping of the neck when you drop from a hieght. They would pull him up and then let him down and ask the question again. He would never tell them After the 3rd time they left him hung to the tree and left.
His daughter then came out of the house and cut him down. How many people can say that they were hung 3 times and lived?

My family background in the US is very long. Here is a condensed version.

My Dad's side of the family arrived in the US in:
1823, 1810, 1840, 1800, 1627, 1641, 1617, 1611, 1614, and 1888.

My Mom's side of the family is here forever - we can't find the first person from any family line to enter the US.
Her side of the family is from the South and most of the records were burned during the Civil War.
These are the last relatives that can be traced and they are already in the US.
1799, 1775, 1700, 1715, 1685, 1715, 1685, 1715, 1650, 1625, 1735, 1775, 1761, 1690, 1666, and 1605.

Our children need to be born in the USA to continue this heritage.

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I believe that through surrogacy we can enhance our children's connection to this county and make it even stronger.

Yes, our children will have Christy and my roots and history, plus the additional connection to our country through their Surro.
This extra story that other kids don't get will tie our children closer to our country and give them a unique story to tell.
It is a story that will make them special.

As an example of how I see the relationship grow over time I will use a story about one of Christy's long time friends Noel.
Noel is from Texas and every Christmas she sends Nic and Courtney presents from Texas. They each get an ornament for our
Christmas tree with a Texas theme and some other simple - this is from Texas theme present.

Over the years, this has really connected them to her and Texas.

I see our future children receiving a Christmas ornament every year from their Surro that represents where they are from.
This simple gift would have such deep meaning and grow our child's connection to a different location. Each child's ornament would be from a different place
in the US and we would discuss that part of the country and the Surro. This would be a Family tradition every year.  (Along with the reminder that they came from Santa Claus).

By looking through my (future) adult children's eyes, I see how part of who they are, is formed by the unique way that they were born. The additional people that love them
and helped bring them into the world - add value to their life long after their birth. They will help define who they are and who they will become over the years.

The Surro's will give so much of themselves during this journey and I hope to give them something in return simply by sharing my thoughts. They will give a child life - while I give a few words on a computer screen. It hardly seems like a fair trade.

Right now, we are filled with enthusiasm and excitement to build and grow our team. To start our children's story is a happy time indeed.

2 comments:

surrogacy in India said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

IVF Land on Surrogacy World said...

I wrote this post about 18 months ago after losing twins and two failed frozen transfers. We were looking at all of the cheaper options to continue.

I really, really, really, looked hard at going to India because everyone kept saying that it was so cheap. I found out that this wasn't true once you added in all of the non-surrogacy expenses.

You have at least two 30 hour flights to get to India. Then you have the hotel fees on the first trip of around 2 weeks and the baby pick-up takes around a month.

The DNA tests cost a few hundred, plus extra fees for the birth certificate and passport.

Mexico ended up being so much cheaper.

We walked across the border and did our pre-testing and monitoring while staying at home.

Flights were only 3 hours and costs $100 each way. We went in the winter and left the rain to arrive in 80 degree weather.

We spent 7 days in Guadalajara. We flew our surrogate in from the USA after we arrived and she spent 4 days in Mexico and loved the vacation.

That was the entire trip to Mexico.

Now we are all safely back in the USA and in a Pre-Birth order state for delivery so as the Intended Parent our names will go on the birth certificate.

The birth and pregnancy happen here in the USA were we have excellent right as the Intended Parents.

We got the best of both worlds. Affordable IVF and the comfort of home.