Actually, I have two people that are my ideal surrogate -
or at least I need to combine two people to make my perfect surrogate.
My perfect surro would be a combination of Santa Claus and the tooth fairy.
I would like to just pick Santa Claus since he has a lot of great qualities. He is always happy and very prompt
with delivery. And best of all his gifts are free. He does have some negatives though. I am not very comfortable with a
bearded guy carrying my child. He also has a BMI issue and a very poor diet of cookies. Also, his red face could be signs
of a drinking problem.
The tooth fairy would be a good pick, however, she does want body parts back in return and I am scared about which one she might want.
She is very sneaky how she takes things from under you when you are sleeping - I am not 100% sure she is trustworthy. It seems that she
has a BMI problem of her own in that she is very skinny and I don't think she is big enough to carry my child.
So if we could combine the best qualities of these two I would have my ideal surrogate.
That is the problem with surrogacy - even in my fantasy world I can't find one person who is perfect.
When I first started out I was thinking what would be the qualities of my ideal surrogate and I thought that I wanted someone
that would be like a coffee machine. It would keep the baby warm and develop it slowly one drop at a time. Then it would light
up a red light when finished with the baby. We could then clean her up and put her away until we were ready to make our next baby.
Then I had this idea, that the ideal candidate would be an 18 year old runaway with no friends or family. We could keep her in a back room and watch her every move
while we made sure that she was feed her vitamins and ate healthy everyday.
Or a more recent thought - we could go to India and have 5 surro's at once. The surro's are cheap there so you can get a bunch. With the odds we have of getting to a live birth most likely only one would get pregnant and have a live birth. We don't know them, don't have to talk to them, and get the baby at the end. That sounds pretty safe emotionally since you don't have to deal with the surro on a daily basis. You just get the reward at the end without all of the headaches.
Then when you talk to the clinic you find out that they keep all of the surro's in the same dorm rooms. It sounds like a bad reality show locking a bunch of pregnant women in the same room. Can you imagine Survivor (pregnant) Island meets the Bachelor? You do know that in the Bachelor when the guy picks it never works out.
How do you describe the perfect surro - that is like answering describe your perfect mate. The answer changes as you change. People's life change on a regular basis and you can't
freeze time and go there - that persons circumstances are perfect we will take her. Because tomorrow her life might change - with out a doubt getting pregnant will change her life.
After watching this process many times and seeing the ins and outs of relationships during other people's journey's. I have come to a major conclusion.
I have one must have with my ideal surrogate.
Here it is: She must have an extremely high level of Emotional Intelligence.
I am sure if I haven't lost you yet, I have lost you now. The answer is supposed to be something easy to see or track like location, insurance, and the same background as me right???
And I will admit that those are all important - However, the journey is really going to play out at the emotional level.
I am talking about the relationship with my surro that is the most important part of the trip. I must assume that she is healthy and can carry our baby. So what is important to me - the relationship is the top priority. We have already determined that getting pregnant is going to change her life - having a relationship with us in her life daily will change her life. We will be making medical choices for her body. Can you get anymore invasive???? So in the end we are an agent for change in her life. Her ability to handle change is another very high need of mine.
Let me give you my definition of Emotional Intelligence.
Emotional Intelligence describes an ability, capacity, or skill to perceive, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups.
With a high level of emotional intelligence my ideal surro can analyze and process the feelings, (in the good and bad times) of herself, her friends, her family and us - and then manage them so that we can all go on a positive rewarding journey together.