After watching and hearing about struggles that Intended Parents and Surrogates have over the last few years I have come to the conclusion that the biggest issues that everyone has can be summarized into one main group.
Need vs. Want
One side NEEEEEEDS something and the other side wants something that's in conflict with the other person's NEED.
The Intended Parent feels that if their NEED isn't meet that their future child will be everlastingly harmed. The surrogate wants to do the opposite thing.
On the other side the Surrogate NEEDS to do something and the IP's want the opposite thing and both sides beat their heads against the wall in frustration.
Either way a Grand Canyon grows.
And once that river flows and the Canyon starts to form it seems to spiral out of everyone's control and the divide gets deeper and wider.
Usually, everyone can keep the peace until there is a negative report about the babies health. And then the gloves come off.
The fine print of the contract is read. Every detail scrutinized. And quoted.
For every tit the other side has a tat. They take turns smacking each other upside the head.
Thinking - I will hit them so hard - that they will see the light and I will get my way.
The other side will bow down to me - I will win - AND - we will go back to having a great relationship.
Meanwhile, they are just playing a mutual game of "top it" - that only leads to mutual destruction.
Nobody ever wins at "top it".
Nobody ever wins when both sides start emailing quotes to each other from the contract.
It's frustrating to watch, hear, see, or read about these relationships gone bad.
Day-to-Day battles take away your happiness. Your excitement. Your joy. Of this wonderful experience.
As a reader I often feel like I am being dragged through the mud. By the hair.
The whole time, I am thinking, the focus shouldn't be on the IP or the surrogate.
It needs to be the baby at all times.
Everyone needs to keep focused or re-focus on the prize and on reaching the finish line.
As a unit.
As a team.
A shared goal.
A shared dream.
A shared ending.
With a shared mission.