Need vs. Want - The Big Divide......

After watching and hearing about struggles that Intended Parents and Surrogates have over the last few years I have come to the conclusion that the biggest issues that everyone has can be summarized into one main group.

Need vs. Want

One side NEEEEEEDS something and the other side wants something that's in conflict with the other person's NEED.

The Intended Parent feels that if their NEED isn't meet that their future child will be everlastingly harmed. The surrogate wants to do the opposite thing.

On the other side the Surrogate NEEDS to do something and the IP's want the opposite thing and both sides beat their heads against the wall in frustration.

Either way a Grand Canyon grows.

And once that river flows and the Canyon starts to form it seems to spiral out of everyone's control and the divide gets deeper and wider.

Usually, everyone can keep the peace until there is a negative report about the babies health. And then the gloves come off.

The fine print of the contract is read. Every detail scrutinized. And quoted.

For every tit the other side has a tat. They take turns smacking each other upside the head.

Thinking - I will hit them so hard - that they will see the light and I will get my way.
The other side will bow down to me - I will win - AND - we will go back to having a great relationship.

Meanwhile, they are just playing a mutual game of "top it" - that only leads to mutual destruction.
Nobody ever wins at "top it".

Nobody ever wins when both sides start emailing quotes to each other from the contract.

It's frustrating to watch, hear, see, or read about these relationships gone bad.
Day-to-Day battles take away your happiness. Your excitement. Your joy. Of this wonderful experience.

As a reader I often feel like I am being dragged through the mud. By the hair.

The whole time, I am thinking, the focus shouldn't be on the IP or the surrogate.
It needs to be the baby at all times.

Everyone needs to keep focused or re-focus on the prize and on reaching the finish line.

As a unit.

As a team.

A shared goal.

A shared dream.

A shared ending.

With a shared mission.

Comments

Cyn said…
It certainly helps. After all, surrogacy is about bringing a BABY into the world before it's about anything else.
July 30, 2010 at 8:40 AM
IVF Land on Surrogacy World said…
It's just amazes me when I watch daily battles being fought and all of the synergy turned into wasted energy.

It's a shame.

I will say tough that it is very hard to constantly be thinking:

It's not about me
It's not about you.
It's about something new.

As they say in Mexico "JAJAJAJAJAJAJA."
July 30, 2010 at 1:13 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I See Pregnant Women....And Small Children

Since we are talking about other blogs that inspire a post I will point to Xbox4NappyRash: The seventh sense in which he talks about developing a 7th sense - the ability to see infertile people. I got it a little different - I See Pregnant Women....And Small Children. When I was a small child I would go to the beach and see other small children. Others like me to play with in the sand. Then as I got a little bit older I became interested in the basketball court near the beach and was aware of the other basketball players that where on the court. As a got still older, I became aware of the girls in the bikini's at the beach. All of a sudden they were everywhere - and they were the only ones on the beach. Recently, when I go to the beach I see Pregnant Women....And Small Children all over the place. I constantly have to work hard not to step on them as they play in the surf. These young families are new to the beach. They have never been there before now - yet now they are all of the
Read more

Mr. Inspiring

Check it out! Someone thinks that I am inspiring. Really! go to Our Surrogacy Adventure and read how I inspired her post, but notice that I didn't inspire her enough to be added to her blogroll. This is what I am talking about when I say that we meet new friends on our adventure. This would be a prime example. Take note, if you women that are reading my blog want me to post more that is how you get it done - stroke my ego. Men really are that simple. Now here is my response to the heart of her post - why do I blog? This is the point when almost everyone says "so that friends and family can follow our journey". That's not me. I want my family to be able to enjoy the excitement of our new addition and don't want to take them on the rollercoaster ride with us. They are really supportive, but we have to go through enough already without taking our entourage with us every step of the way. We just want to give them the happy days. So then, who is the audience that I wa
Read more

Mr. Excited

Mr. Excited has arrived on the scene. He is the happy go lucky guy that is ready to take on any new adventure. He doesn't see how anything can go wrong and wants to "damn the torpedoes, go full speed ahead." We know the odds now, (way to well) so how do we use them to our advantage? Let's double our odds by doubling our surrogates. The math seems really simple. Sure having all of the people involved can make things complicated, but Mr. Excited just wants to hear about the results - not the complications. We have One goal. One Mission. AND One Obsession . So with our eyes firmly on the prize we are moving forward with a new Adventure of a Lifetime . We have built a new team to join us and are ready and excited about moving forward again. We have named our surrogates Ajysyt and Isis. To give them their privacy on the web. Also, it just seemed like a lot of fun to keep people guessing. Our goal is to share this story with everyone. To accomplish this we have started
Read more