Fertility is a Privilege...

Most people don't give having a baby a second thought.

It's not IF, but when.

When everything is perfect in life - I will have a baby.

No Problems, No Delays, No Worries.

If you've been raised to believe that you can have a child whenever you're ready and it will happen pretty much right away, and it will be beautiful and perfect and it will be hard but it will all be worth it in the end, then dealing with the idea that it might be a struggle to conceive, it might take years, there will be risks, there might be death, and the whole process might leave you permanently changed, even cost you your marriage and friends and job, and you can still have nothing to show for it in the end? 
For infertile couples, it's a whole different ballgame.

Most people never consider that Fertility is a Privilege. I mean:

Babies are everywhere. Not only are babies everywhere, but everywhere you go they are celebrated. Which is understandable, because making more little versions of us is pretty much Job One of any species. Babies are assumed - if you're an adult, you're going to have kids. It's just a matter of time. Don't want them? You'll change your mind. Having trouble having them? Just relax - it'll happen when you least expect it. 

In our case, there was no relaxing while trying to have a baby.
No relaxing while pregnant.
And there has still been no relaxing. Not for a minute.

We are just not capable of relaxing.

Grown adults tell us - "you need a date night." I will babysit for you.

And I think "I don't know you that well." Sure we are friends, and you've raised
five kids of your own, but c'mon were not that close.

Or my mom, who likes to tell me, "I raised 3 kids and 3 nephews and nieces,
and a combined 9 Grand-Children and 2 Great Grand Children."

And I tell her,

You may come over and view the baby if you like. You can hold her briefly,
after you have washed your hands.

We did relax - ONCE - for less than half an hour.

Christy had a friend who is a NICU nurse. She was left alone with the child,

briefly,

Very briefly.

It was torture.

And I am still not 100% sure we should have done it.

Besides that moment, one of us has been within arms reach of our child for 6 straight weeks.

We created life.

And

We are not ready for anyone to take our bundle of joy away from us.

Even for a minute.

2 comments:

Cyn said...

I don't blame you at all for wanting to be with her ALL of the time.
I did not have issues conceiving, but my child was a choice and I did not choose to have her so that someone else could care for her. It was hard enough for me to share her with her dad, there was no way someone else was going to take care of her for me.
Even as they got bigger we never left either kid with someone else unless the kids wanted it. As a couple we found plenty of ways to stay connected without having to ship our kids off to someone else. We've never thought of our kids as a hinderance. We chose to have them and we will spend at least 18 years revolving our lives around them.
I know that there are MANY people who do need time away to help them be the best parent they can be, I just wasn't one of them. They are not worse parents for it, they just aren't me.
You guys waited a very long time for her. Enjoy her any way you want and don't let anyone make you feel like you have to give her up.
I think the key is not making people feel as though you don't trust them. It's more about you WANT to be there!

IVF Land on Surrogacy World said...

We are 7 weeks post birth and I am still standing. So far, So good.