Who vs. Where Part 2 - OR "My" Want vs. Need.....

Looking back at my prior posts - two years ago - we were at a turning point in our Surrogacy adventure.

We made a choice of  Who vs. Where Part 1.

I came to Surrogacy World with an open mind, open heart - and only one requirement.

The child needed to be born in California. Specifically, Southern California.

We had a lot of people say "that is stupid." It doesn't matter where the child is born.
It will live in California and will never know anything else.

So, with much thought, we made an open choice to pick "who - over - where."
That means we chose to work with a surrogate that wasn't going to deliver in California.

We picked a great surrogate and have had a great experience.

It was the right choice at the time.

The right person for us.

And the right choice still.

Without a doubt......... WE WON with our selection as a surrogate.

We are now weeks away from having our baby in our hands.

We have paid the price and done the hard work necessary to get to the finish line.

Victory is at hand. Clearly, in sight. Mere moments away.

And yet, I am filled with an oppressive sadness as this victory nears.

At this time, I fill like my victory comes with a mark. A mark that will follow my child to the grave.

She will not be born in California.

Sure - this is where almost all of you can laugh. And tell me to get over it. You have a healthy child on
the way. Don't be picky. Especially, over something so minor.

I understand that this is a want and not a need.
I understand that this is a want and not a need.
I understand that this is a want and not a need.
I understand that this is a want and not a need.


I keep thinking - if I repeat that sentence enough - I can start to believe it.


However, it's not working.


Instead, I look at the Obituaries and I read them:

They all say - "So & So was born Date, Place."

This is the FIRST LINE in everyone's obituary.

This is truly a cradle to grave issue.

I understand that this is a want and not a need.
I understand that this is a want and not a need.
I understand that this is a want and not a need.
I understand that this is a want and not a need.

California is a migration state. Everyone is from somewhere else. In High school, I only
had one friend that had both parents born in California. One.

Christy and I both have deep roots in California.

My family arrived here in the 1890's.

And we are the new kids on the block compared to Christy's family that arrived during the gold rush.

My family has been here for 120 years.

I'm giving away my roots to the state - my heritage.

But, it's not my roots I'm giving away. It's my child's roots.

Now every time, my child does something simple - like answer a password question for a bank account - she
will have to say - "I am not from California."

I am not like the rest of my family.

I understand that this is a want and not a need.
I understand that this is a want and not a need.
I understand that this is a want and not a need.
I understand that this is a want and not a need.

My feelings remind me off another quote from Lincoln that he made just as he was leaving to
be sworn in as President.

"Friends, no one who has never been placed in a like position can understand my feelings at this hour, nor the oppressive sadness I feel at this parting. For more than a quarter of a century I have lived among you, and during all that time I have received nothing but kindness at your hands. Here I have lived from my youth until now I am an old man. Here the most cherished ties of earth were assumed. Here all my children were born and here one of them lies buried. To you, dear friends, I owe all that I have, all that I am.

Lincoln's Farewell Address in Springfield by Abraham Lincoln February 11, 1861

 He got everything he wanted, but had to give up so much.

Sometimes, happiness and sadness, arrive at the same time.