In The Mouth of the Wolf...Or "La boca del lobo"

The Spanish phrase:

In The Mouth of the Wolf.....Or "La boca del lobo"

Sums up my current feelings. In Spanish it translates to mean:

"In the Jaws of death."

Before you freak out - there is no new news that warrants these feelings.
As the saying goes "it's me, not you."

You see.... despite the mounting evidence in our favor -

We are still unable to accept that it is working 100%. .

We are told "Your pregnant" and my response is:
"Great! We now have an 82% chance of having a live birth."

Not exactly the WHOOOO HOOOO!!!!!!!! response that people expect. We will just have to save that for September.

And Christy says that I read too many blogs.

I can't argue with that - I am just comforted by the fact that almost everyone I started reading about 18 months ago is either pregnant or already has a baby. There is good news mixed in with the bad.

We need to have our success story now so that we can graduate with our class.

However, we are excited about being pregnant - even if we are worried it might not last.

One second we are looking up miscarriage stats and the next one it's when is the best week to schedule a 3D Ultrasound.

We have told all of our infertility friends and even half of Mexico knows that we went there for Surrogacy and it worked, but we still haven't told our families that were pregnant.

They are dying to know and very supportive, but we want to be certain it worked before we tell them.

Overwhelmed with happiness and fear at the same time is a tough combination. But, we are working hard to enjoy the moment. To celebrate what we have today.

Today - we have life. And more,
  • A Nose
  • A Mouth
  • Eyelids
  • Ears
  • Eyes
  • Nostrils
  • AND a heart Beating
At least, that's where we should be. We still have not looked under the hood to see.

Our surrogate did have her first appointment with her OB Friday. A simple intake appointment.
And everything went well. He treated her like he would any normal pregnancy.

We are shocked. It was simply to easy.

We still are waiting to count heads in 9 days. Then we might relax a little. Maybe, for a minute.



In the meantime, while we wait, I prefer the Italian saying better -

In Bocca al Lupo

"Into the wolf's mouth" Which Means "Good luck"

The proper response is Crepi il lupo

"May the wolf die" -

Which is to say: "I'm going into the wolf's mouth, and may he choke on me."

These idioms and their different meanings sum up the pendulum of emotions.




4 comments:

Cyn said...

Thanks for the 'before you freak out' part, because yes my heart sank as I read your initial words.

I'm THRILLED to hear that you are just in a limbo of feelings still-THAT is acceptable and to be expected.

At least you've opened up with the blog world and Mexico-the family will get to share in the joy forever, they can wait. :)

Christy said...

You're not the only one Cyn, I gasped at the term "jaws of death" even though I know different.

This is going to be a long road. I can report at least to my knowledge neither of us looked up miscarriage rates today....yet

Cyn said...

Honestly, I think once you go the surrogacy route, it's quite often a long road, even if there are no actual bumps. This was something I did not understand as a surro. I thought once we were pregnant, or at least into the 2nd trimester, IP's could be elated and receptive. I did not truly understand that it can not feel 100% real until the baby is in your arms.

IVF Land on Surrogacy World said...

As the surrogate you get to feel the baby and know how things are going. On a minute by minute basis.

As the IF, I get still photo's, cold hard numbers, and percentages.

They are hardly as comforting.

Like today, our current % of success (live birth) is 70-90%.

If our heart beat was 5 beats per minute slower the odds would be at 62%.

Real numbers, but not real comfort.