Experiencing Surrogacy, Part 2

I have been asked if I will my view will change from experiencing surrogacy to experiencing pregnancy after the Surrogate gets pregnant.

And I will say NO.

We have already had our first surrogate pregnant. We had the good news of twins, followed by the loss of the first twin at week 9 and the second one at week 11. So I have gone through the almost the entire first trimester being pregnant.

I was still Experiencing Surrogacy the whole time.

I have a cousin that was having a baby at the same time and their experience was noticeable different.

From the start we had weekly doctor visits. They had a few.

We new exactly when our babies were conceived, they had an idea when, but couldn't pin point it exactly.

We would go into Doctor's appointments knowing what was going to happen - what results to expect - what would be good, average, or bad.

They simply went to the Doctor's appointment.

The list of differences goes on, but the main thing is that our Surrogacy was so scientific and we were constantly trying to jump through the next hoop. To beat the odds and make it to the next stage.

It seemed like every doctor's appointment we would be told that we scaled the wall - only to be told there was another wall to be climbed. And with IVF in the end we need to be prepared for a visit to the NICU.

You go through a constant 2 steps forward 1 step back process and you never get to relax and enjoy it.

With all of the extra Doctor visits, monitoring and science that goes into our experience, I don't think that we are experiencing pregnancy. I think that Experiencing Surrogacy is a completely different adventure.


Millie said...

Thanks for this entry. I do realize that we have a different view of things in a few ways. First, I'm the IM so from your sports entry in Part 1 that puts me as what? The coach? Secondly, I am an IM via TS. While it did take us 9 cycles before a pregnancy our medical part of it consisted of one cycle in which our surro took clomid for 5 days and then we did two days worth of IUI's. It is obviously VERY different than IVF. Thank you for taking the time to explain your surrogacy experience. It is very educational.

Jenn said...

So true..... when do you actually get to experience the pregnancy?? You're always waiting for the next BETA, the next ultrasound, the genetic testing results, the growth scan..... when can you actually relax and enjoy??

IVF Land on Surrogacy World said...


I will keep answering questions from the very elusive male point of view. I already seem to have a following. Most of them are lurking and I can't wait for them to start posting comments.

IVF Land on Surrogacy World said...


With an IVF pregnancy I think that the joy comes at the end - when you have a healthy child all of the prior fears finally go away.

Until the sibling project starts.