Everyone agrees that the Surrogate and the Intended Parents are on the same team and have the same goal that they are trying to achieve.
At times during the adventure though it often doesn't sound like the two groups are playing the same games and using the same rules. Where do things break down?
Let's get back to a good sports analogy. My specialty.
I think that the Surrogate and the Intended Parents relationship is very much like how a pitcher and catcher interact in baseball. In my example the Surrogate is the pitcher and the Intended Parents are the catcher.
The catcher (IP's) has the responsibility of running the team, setting up defenses, keeping everybody focused, and calling the pitches. This last part means that they will tell the pitcher what pitch to throw. For example, either a fastball, curveball, or slider.
Now the pitcher (Surrogate) looks at the catcher and gets the sign (instructions) for what pitch to throw. The pitcher has the ball (baby) in his hand. Nothing happens until the pitcher says so.
The pitcher often looks at the catcher and shakes his head "no" back at the catcher. He has the ball and will not be throwing that pitch.
Everyone is waiting on the pitcher, the catcher now changes the sign and the pitcher once again shakes his head "no".
Now the catcher is confused. He talked to the pitcher before the game and they have already discussed how they were going to pitch to this batter. The pitcher has changed his mind based on how he feels at the moment, not what he thought before he was on the moment.
The catcher has no choice at this point. Sure he is the leader of the team and he calls the pitches, but the pitcher has the ball, and nothing is happening at this point without him.
So the catcher calls for pitch #3 and the pitcher shakes his head "yes". And he delivers the pitch.
The thing with being part of a team is that one person doesn't always lead or need to carry all of the weight of the team. It is a shared experience, but not always an equal experience.
Just like in the example of the pitcher and catcher, both of them have the same goal to get the batter out, but they have entirely different roles in the process.
In a good balanced team all of the teammates take turns leading. And are ready to perform their specialty when required.