The Silent Majority

Surrogacy World is a very interesting place to be. In theory, there are two Intended Parents for every Surrogate. This means that Intended Parents out number Surrogates by 2 to 1.

However, even thought they are outnumbered by a 2 to 1 margin Surrogates and their views dominate Surrogacy World. There are Surrogate agencies and Surrogate websites that are all based upon the needs of the Surrogate.

What we find is that the IP's are the Silent majority on Surrogacy World. On a land full of people the IP's are isolated from the community at large.

The IP's are very limited to what they feel they are allowed to share on Surrogacy World.

It's almost impossible to find them speaking freely. And if you do they will usually be in a very small pack. They are a tight knit group that share their experiences among each other carefully.

Many of them live in states or countries that don't allow it or have friends of family that don't understand or support them in the process.

IP's do not feel like they have the right to free speech and take their thoughts and emotions underground. They don't know who to trust and protect themselves by remaining quite.

The Ip's are strangers in a strange land forced to struggle through on their own. They need to wander around aimlessly until they bump as if by accident into another IP. Then they will pin that IP and hold them down as long as possible to extract all of the information that they can from them.

It's a strange thing to see, but it happens to every newcomer to IVF Land and Surrogacy World.

As they continue on their adventure they meet new people from strange places and form strong bonds. Yes, they still stay silent, but they are no longer alone.


Jaymee said...

I am an IM that refuses to be silent. Ever since we decided that our family would be made through surrogacy I have told everyone who will listen.

It is in the silence that the fear resides. Getting to this decision has been painful. My dreams have been squashed and mashed beyond recognition. I just refuse to feel ashamed and hide. This is an amazing and scary process, but I intend to enjoy every moment.

IVF Land on Surrogacy World said...


One of the more amazing things to me is that since going down this path we have learned about more and more people that used IVF to have their family. And we never would have known if we were not so open about our process.

I think that most of the IP's do enjoy the process and share important moments with their friends, family, and for some of us even strangers on the internet.

It just seems to me though that there are many more surrogates that share their story online and that they are more comfortable than IP's are in talking about the process publicly.

I know that we will continue to share our thoughts about our adventure and have fun meeting new friends along the way.

Thanks for your comment and continue to enjoy every moment.

Cyn said...

From reading both comments I would have to say it seems almost obvious why surrogates 'speak up more' about the process than IP's. We are coming from such different places. To carry for another family is not something that people automatically lump with shame and a need to hide. It is true that many people that have to turn to IVF, not to mention surrogacy, don't really just 'bring it up' to people.
We just need more IP's to embrace the joy of having surrogacy as an option and 'shout it from the rooftops' to anyone who will listen.

IVF Land on Surrogacy World said...


You just earned another post.

I address how the surrogate and the IP's enter Surrogacy World hearing different comments from people and why it is easier for the surrogate to share.

Christy said...

I go back and forth with this.......when we were new IP's I shouted it from the roof tops. After two years, two RE's, one ex-surrogate, three transfers, two babies and the loss of both I am more reserved. I am also more obsessed than ever. It's gets old telling people of losses and failed attempts and messes with an ex-surro so I tend to talk to the world less and the surrogacy/IP world almost exclusively.

I am happy Jon has joined me in being vocal about our mission at least in the surrogacy world. At the same time, I don't want to take our families on this ride with us any more.

I cannot wait to share that we have a due date and we are well on our way into a pregnancy with the help of a couple incredible people but until then I'd prefer the details of our baby plans just stay close to our heart and in this world of surrogacy.